Why what, you're asking?
Well, last week I had an interview for a job promotion in work. I'd had one in March this year but it was bad timing personally and I didn't do well, so this time meant a lot to me. I prepared the best I could, bearing in mind that we were very busy in work. I came out of the interview thinking I had done pretty well, but not wanting to get my hopes up.
Today I finally heard the outcome and it was basically that I hadn't come top on this occasion. The good news is that I did well in my interview and it was obvious that I had prepared for it. So the plan is to move me onto a different payroll in the coming few months so that I get some exposure to different processes, because my current payroll is not typical of how they usually operate. I can see the sense in this and overall feel like management are on my side and trying to put me in a better position for the future, which is a great feeling!
This evening I told hubby I hadn't got the job. He said he was glad.
I went on to tell him that I am going to be moving payrolls. He went off on one about upsetting apple carts!
So, why? Why can't he encourage my ambitions and trust that I feel ready or else I wouldn't be doing these things? Why should I sit still whilst the world keeps moving on and be grateful for the option? Why am I having to write this blog when I should be jubilant about the bright future that seems to be ahead of me?
Why?
18 Dec 2014
17 Nov 2014
A Not-So-Little Update!
The
last couple of months have been a bit hectic to say the least! Dad
got through his operation - although he is still not 100% healed
yet, he is driving and that makes a big difference to things as Mum
doesn't drive. We visited on our way back from Italy in early
October, which was great for putting my mind at rest! We also went
over the weekend before last for Dad's birthday, which was lovely
because I was worried about him with it being his first birthday
without his Mum. We went out to eat on all 3 days and kept him
occupied, so he got through it as well as he could.
October
was, for me personally, not the best month. I had tried to eat well
and do some exercise, but it just didn't happen as well as I'd
hoped. I managed to put a temporary halt to my driving lessons after
being let down one time too many by my instructor, so I've had more
time to think about other things, but unfortunately those thoughts
have not really converted into actions! [The driving lessons will
recommence fully next Spring with the intention of having my test
done and dusted during the summer.]
In
September, I had decided to weigh in bi-monthly. So November 1st,
I stepped on the scales and was very disappointed by my weight. 16 ½
stone!! I hate getting hung up about what the scales say, so I am
also monitoring my BMI and two measurements – waist and right
thigh. I am hoping this will give me a full picture of my progress,
once I actually start to make progress, that is!! I have also had a
change of heart and will now be weighing in monthly, but still on the
1st. I need to keep on top of myself and not slack off for
too long before I realise! Thanks to HC for suggesting this :)
Having
said that, I have under 2 weeks left until my next weigh
in already! I just don't know where time goes sometimes!
I
also decided that starting on 1st
November I would start a new account on Sparkpeople. I'm using it to
record my monthly measurements, get recipe ideas and find support
from similar people regarding my weight loss journey and also other
issues in my life. I am not joining challenges of any kind. I do not
want the stress of comparing myself to others, of failing and hating
myself. This is my journey and I will go along at my own pace,
learning lessons as I go. I do have my own time scales, but I am even
considering revising those.
The biggest lesson I
need to learn is that life doesn't have to stop whilst I am trying to
reach a goal. I don't have to be at my perfect size when we go to
Italy next year – it is more important to be close to full fitness
and able to fully enjoy the experience. I don't have to lose all of
my excess weight before I try to run a 5K, as long as I feel strong
and fit enough to complete it. I don't have to avoid social events
just because I am not 100% happy with my figure, as long as I
remember that my friends like me for my personality not my looks.
As things stand, I am
meeting my friend for coffee on Friday afternoon. For the last 2
years, I've put this off for one reason and another. I am so annoyed
with myself for that. One big reason was guilt, because I felt I
should be using the time to work on clearing the old house. I'm over
that now. It's one big mess that we really need to address, but I am
not willing to put my life on hold for it any longer! I am so excited
to see my friend again, we've so much to catch up with! I am
determined that next year will be about enjoying life with people I
care about. As much as I enjoy my own company, I have to admit that I
do need people around me to give me strength and help me feel better
about myself, I'm just not very good at asking for it!
**cue group hug **
So yeah, the rest of
this year is going to be very much about survival. I'm almost done
with my Christmas shopping, but unfortunately I am not going to
bother with Christmas cards this year. Whatever your religious
beliefs, you have to agree that Christmas is far too commercialised
these days. I don't want to encourage that. Instead I am going to
focus on the New Year. Some lucky people will receive something from
me in early January. Don't ask me what, because I have no idea as
yet!
Aside
from preparing for the festivities, I also need to tidy our house,
clean our house and get rid of things we are not intending to keep
(things the in laws brought in whilst they were working on the
refurbishment). Then we can continue moving things in from the old
house. We have to get it done before Christmas so that early January
can be solely for cleaning and then we can hand over the keys before
we go on holiday. At least, that is the plan!
Everything
comes back to organisation though! I can eat well if we have bought
the right foods and I have prepared them. If I eat well, I feel well
and able to progress with things that need done. If things progress,
I feel able to spend time on other things that make me happy. If I'm
happy, there's a better chance hubby will be happy. If hubby is
happy, he is nicer company and I feel better able to approach him on
things that need to be done. And so on! :)
I am sorry to have
rambled on so long tonight folks! I do find it quite therapeutic
though, so I am going to try and write more often over the next 6
weeks. It's going to be tough and I need you guys to do your
wonderful supportive stuff, but you're not going to do that if I
don't share my woes!
Until next time!
M
x
27 Oct 2014
Driving me crazy? Not any more!
Sometimes in life, you have to do what is for the best rather than being stubborn and trying to stick to how you want things to pan out.
This is the situation I am in with my driving lessons. I truly wanted to pass my test within a year of starting lessons in July 2013. That possibility is long gone now! I have rearranged my test about 4 times since I originally booked it, purely because of inconsistency of lessons and not gaining enough confidence.
Recently, I was away on holiday and then when I returned and tried to arrange a lesson, I was left hanging for a few days before my instructor was able to tell me that his sister in law had passed away and he'd been visiting the hospital, which is why he couldn't phone sooner. I was as compassionate as I would be with anyone, but at the back of my mind I am always thinking about how he is conducting his business so poorly!
Anyway, I had a lesson booked for Sunday 19th October but unfortunately I had to cancel that one because I wasn't well. I was gutted because I wanted to get back to it so badly after such a long gap. I asked could we do Friday 24th at 10am and he replied he could do Friday but it would need to be 10.30am. That was fine.
10.40am on Friday, I gave up waiting and phoned my instructor. He was in the car but on his way to a wedding! He thought he had cancelled everyone! I was very annoyed about this but tried not to show it too much on the phone with his wife in the car. I agreed to see him on Monday lunchtime.
So that was my day completely sent off the rails - I was fuming, wondering "why me?" and not in the place I had intended to be for the day (I'd planned to end the lesson at the old house)!
As things turned out, I didn't get around to telling hubby what had happened until Saturday brunchtime. He was fuming too! He suggested that I just cancel my test and cut my losses with my instructor and then start over next Springtime, when the evenings are lighter and I can get some serious hours in. I saw his point but was nervous because my instructor is a lovely guy, just not very good at running a business! The more I thought about it over the weekend, I decided that I wanted to keep today's lesson and talk to him face to face rather than trying to do it over the phone.
All morning my stomach was churning with nerves because I *hate* confrontation of any kind! It was simply horrible! In the end, hubby came with me to talk to my instructor and it panned out slightly differently to how we'd discussed between us.
As things stand now, I am going to cancel my test. I am then going to wait for my instructor to get his new car at the end of November and then take the odd lesson every other Friday to help me get used to it. Then after Easter, I am going to book my test again and really hit the lessons hard.
That gives us time to mull it over and I can still cancel with him if I want to. I don't really want to though, because I'm not good with new people and I feel like we know each other pretty well and that helps the lessons go better, but I just pray that he doesn't let me down again!!
With any luck though, I will have passed my test before my birthday, which will be awesome! In the meantime, I have free space in my brain for concentrating on other things, such as the dreaded old house clear out!
So yeah, it's not within the time scale I had wanted, but I will get that driving licence eventually and that's the main thing really!
M x
This is the situation I am in with my driving lessons. I truly wanted to pass my test within a year of starting lessons in July 2013. That possibility is long gone now! I have rearranged my test about 4 times since I originally booked it, purely because of inconsistency of lessons and not gaining enough confidence.
Recently, I was away on holiday and then when I returned and tried to arrange a lesson, I was left hanging for a few days before my instructor was able to tell me that his sister in law had passed away and he'd been visiting the hospital, which is why he couldn't phone sooner. I was as compassionate as I would be with anyone, but at the back of my mind I am always thinking about how he is conducting his business so poorly!
Anyway, I had a lesson booked for Sunday 19th October but unfortunately I had to cancel that one because I wasn't well. I was gutted because I wanted to get back to it so badly after such a long gap. I asked could we do Friday 24th at 10am and he replied he could do Friday but it would need to be 10.30am. That was fine.
10.40am on Friday, I gave up waiting and phoned my instructor. He was in the car but on his way to a wedding! He thought he had cancelled everyone! I was very annoyed about this but tried not to show it too much on the phone with his wife in the car. I agreed to see him on Monday lunchtime.
So that was my day completely sent off the rails - I was fuming, wondering "why me?" and not in the place I had intended to be for the day (I'd planned to end the lesson at the old house)!
As things turned out, I didn't get around to telling hubby what had happened until Saturday brunchtime. He was fuming too! He suggested that I just cancel my test and cut my losses with my instructor and then start over next Springtime, when the evenings are lighter and I can get some serious hours in. I saw his point but was nervous because my instructor is a lovely guy, just not very good at running a business! The more I thought about it over the weekend, I decided that I wanted to keep today's lesson and talk to him face to face rather than trying to do it over the phone.
All morning my stomach was churning with nerves because I *hate* confrontation of any kind! It was simply horrible! In the end, hubby came with me to talk to my instructor and it panned out slightly differently to how we'd discussed between us.
As things stand now, I am going to cancel my test. I am then going to wait for my instructor to get his new car at the end of November and then take the odd lesson every other Friday to help me get used to it. Then after Easter, I am going to book my test again and really hit the lessons hard.
That gives us time to mull it over and I can still cancel with him if I want to. I don't really want to though, because I'm not good with new people and I feel like we know each other pretty well and that helps the lessons go better, but I just pray that he doesn't let me down again!!
With any luck though, I will have passed my test before my birthday, which will be awesome! In the meantime, I have free space in my brain for concentrating on other things, such as the dreaded old house clear out!
So yeah, it's not within the time scale I had wanted, but I will get that driving licence eventually and that's the main thing really!
M x
8 Oct 2014
What is wrong with me??
The last couple of weeks, I've been doing (or not doing) stupid things. Yeah, more so than usual! It is annoying hubby, like, a lot! So that is getting upsetting....
I just want to know why it's happening! What could make me so absent-minded? Is it my underlying stress levels? Or something more serious?
My mind won't settle on one thing long enough for me to even write a decent blog, so for that I apologise!
Suggestions more than welcome....
M x
I just want to know why it's happening! What could make me so absent-minded? Is it my underlying stress levels? Or something more serious?
My mind won't settle on one thing long enough for me to even write a decent blog, so for that I apologise!
Suggestions more than welcome....
M x
7 Sept 2014
A new chapter? I do hope so!
A lot of my problems get blown out of
proportion in my tiny mind because I internalise them. I do say
things on Twitter and those of you who offer responses are all
lovely, but no one can know the full picture from a few select
tweets. The only person who really knows the whole picture is my
husband. Unfortunately, there are not many moments when he is not
extremely tired, busy with something else, or both! So I tend not to
bother talking over my concerns and they get worse and worse until
eventually I just have an emotional meltdown!
This weekend we are at my parents'.
This is scheduled to be my last trip before Christmas. I'm now hoping
that remains the case because Dad is having aortic stents put in on
the 15th and doesn't think we should come over. So if we
do end up over, it will be because something didn't go to plan. I'm
very scared about the worst happening, mostly from thinking about the
impact on my Mum. But anyway! *shakes thoughts from mind*
I just admitted this to hubby last
night – part of why I like to get to my parents' more often is
because it is escapism from real life. The things that I'm always
procrastinating / worrying about at home cannot be dealt with, so I
don't need to worry about them! I'm well aware that if I spent the
free time at home instead, these things could be to some extent dealt
with, but hey! It is what it is.
So because of this slight release,
hubby and I were able to talk last night. I explained that it is my
weight issues that are making me “blue”. We are both in similar
boats with regards to weight but we deal with it very differently. It
was good to discuss how we each think about certain things and devise
a rough outline of what to do to change things. Firstly we are going
to do weights together. I think just doing that up until our holiday
in 3 weeks' time will be a good starting point. There was mention of
the gym, but we both have sore knees, him more so than me, so that
might not be an efficient option. We can think about that more during
our holiday :)
I'm also going to try and cook more to
avoid us getting takeaways. I will hopefully get into my groove with
this whilst the in laws are on holiday – they come back the day
before we go! - and continue with it when we get home.
Some things I have to stop
doing are:
- weighing myself weekly
- using weight loss sites / forums
- worrying about it all the time
- thinking less of myself as a result of my weight
Some things I have to start doing
are:
- taking action instead of writing about it
- enjoying life
- talking to hubby more often
- focussing on my positive attributes
Miracles
are not going to happen, but hopefully we will have made a positive
difference to our lives by our September 2015 trip!
M x
1 Sept 2014
I just had to write!
I am really struggling with the fact that we are now into September! Where has the summer gone??! It has been a strange year so far. Unexpected events have made it memorable – the sad passing of my Nana in March and the pleasant surprise of hubby’s uncle visiting from Australia in July/August – but at the same time it seems to have passed so quickly. I have hardly achieved anything that I set out to. I really can’t handle the idea of reaching the end of this year in the same position as I started it in.
September itself is going to be pretty busy, with a long weekend to England this week and then a week in Italy at the end of the month. In between those things, we need to make progress with clearing out the old house, before the weather becomes too completely miserable. I also have to prepare for my driving test which is looming closer. Then there is the actual preparation and packing for our trip!
I have been deliberating over my working pattern today and finally decided to not work any Fridays. I need all the free time I can get!
So my next step is to devise a plan and stick to it! No, actually, the next step is to DO WHAT NEEDS DOING!! I know I am a terrible procrastinator but I need to focus for just one month and then I am free! I don’t know if any of you remember but back in March I set out a plan where I would try to get everything done during the BST period of the year and then when the clocks go back to GMT spend my time cooking, watching films and starting some “crafty” hobbies. After today, there are 54 days left of BST 2014. I have to make them count!
M x
21 Jul 2014
Here I go again!
This is becoming a bit of a habit in recent years, but I think the time has come for me to have another little break from the internet social scene. I have so much that I need to concentrate on, so I need to take away the distraction of this crazy world!
Admittedly, it won't be easy. I've got some amazing on line friends and I'll miss you all heaps! I feel bad for abandoning you as well, but I think most of you will do just fine without me for a while.
When I say a while, I'm thinking until the end of August.
In that time, I will be working on the following:
Admittedly, it won't be easy. I've got some amazing on line friends and I'll miss you all heaps! I feel bad for abandoning you as well, but I think most of you will do just fine without me for a while.
When I say a while, I'm thinking until the end of August.
In that time, I will be working on the following:
- passing my driving test
- finishing the house move
- losing 10lbs
I'll be around for while longer this evening and then I'm signing out. I hope everyone enjoys the rest of the summer and I will look forward to updating you all in a few weeks' time!
Stay cool!
M x
3 Jul 2014
Opening old wounds!
Work is going great this week – my new Payroll Controller hasn’t really started on my client yet so I’ve been working under my own steam, which I am used to from when I’ve been covering leave, so it’s been ok in the most part. I also chaired the client conference call for the first time yesterday and that went well, so I got a real buzz J Another good thing about it was that we had no errors that were our fault in June, even though my Payroll Controller was 2/3s into his new client’s work for most of the month, so that reflected really well on me to management here. :D
Today I did something really stupid and unproductive though. I was online looking for an address for client’s Finance Dept and the jobs tab caught my eye. I then, in my infinite wisdom, decided to do a national job search for “admin”. It was amazing how many NHS jobs there are at the moment, definitely worth looking at if you have admin skills! Then the thing I was looking for but didn’t really want to find was there in front of me. This job:
http://www.jobs.nhs.uk/xi/vacancy/0a6408043ed614263b18076a3998aa5f/?vac_ref=913430811
Please check the link before continuing to read, or this won’t make a lot of sense!
I should point out here that ESR is basically my bread & butter. There is little in my job that I can do without using it. This has been the case for over 4 years.
I would absolutely LOVE to live in York, because I think it is a beautiful, larger version of my home town (they both have a minster and cobbled streets). Willerby is pretty nice too, but doesn’t have the best public transport links to my home town. I had a temp job there once and had to wait an hour after finishing for the bus home (which itself took almost an hour!)!
Of course, on that salary in that geographical area, I could easily afford a wee car so that wouldn’t be an issue.
Anyway, my point is this. Just when things are going so great for me (because they are, all things considered) I do something stupid like this that makes me hanker for being back home! I actually feel like crying as I type this, because it’s such a perfect opportunity that I cannot possibly avail of!
My lifestyle is very simple and transferable – work, eat, sleep, holiday, visit family – so that’s not even the issue. The issue is that I am not free to do as I please. I am not “I” but half of “we”. Please believe me when I say, I absolutely do not wish to be anything else other than that. The problem is, the other half of “we” has never lived anywhere else but here. He is very close to his parents & we see them several times a week as well as him phoning them most days whether one party is on holiday or not. He has worked his way up in this company to the reasonable salary that he is currently on. His qualifications stopped at A Levels. What I’m saying is, even if he took the plunge and said, “yeah we can move over there” (extremely unlikely!), he would really struggle to get a job!
My heart is breaking here. I’ve rarely been so tempted to swear as right now when I ask myself why I did this search! (those that know me well will know that I never, ever swear).
Why, why, why, why, oh why did I do this???!!!! :’(
Today I did something really stupid and unproductive though. I was online looking for an address for client’s Finance Dept and the jobs tab caught my eye. I then, in my infinite wisdom, decided to do a national job search for “admin”. It was amazing how many NHS jobs there are at the moment, definitely worth looking at if you have admin skills! Then the thing I was looking for but didn’t really want to find was there in front of me. This job:
http://www.jobs.nhs.uk/xi/vacancy/0a6408043ed614263b18076a3998aa5f/?vac_ref=913430811
Please check the link before continuing to read, or this won’t make a lot of sense!
I should point out here that ESR is basically my bread & butter. There is little in my job that I can do without using it. This has been the case for over 4 years.
I would absolutely LOVE to live in York, because I think it is a beautiful, larger version of my home town (they both have a minster and cobbled streets). Willerby is pretty nice too, but doesn’t have the best public transport links to my home town. I had a temp job there once and had to wait an hour after finishing for the bus home (which itself took almost an hour!)!
Of course, on that salary in that geographical area, I could easily afford a wee car so that wouldn’t be an issue.
Anyway, my point is this. Just when things are going so great for me (because they are, all things considered) I do something stupid like this that makes me hanker for being back home! I actually feel like crying as I type this, because it’s such a perfect opportunity that I cannot possibly avail of!
My lifestyle is very simple and transferable – work, eat, sleep, holiday, visit family – so that’s not even the issue. The issue is that I am not free to do as I please. I am not “I” but half of “we”. Please believe me when I say, I absolutely do not wish to be anything else other than that. The problem is, the other half of “we” has never lived anywhere else but here. He is very close to his parents & we see them several times a week as well as him phoning them most days whether one party is on holiday or not. He has worked his way up in this company to the reasonable salary that he is currently on. His qualifications stopped at A Levels. What I’m saying is, even if he took the plunge and said, “yeah we can move over there” (extremely unlikely!), he would really struggle to get a job!
My heart is breaking here. I’ve rarely been so tempted to swear as right now when I ask myself why I did this search! (those that know me well will know that I never, ever swear).
Why, why, why, why, oh why did I do this???!!!! :’(
28 Jun 2014
Moving forward...
So, this week I launched my list of 40 things to do before I'm 40. In the run up to launch day (my birthday), I was very excited. Once I'd published it though, I came over very overwhelmed! My new blog about the list has been very well received and I am really pleased about that. The problem is, I now have to actually do things and then write about them! Eeeek!
But hey, I knew it was coming since I wrote the list lol.
Also this week, hubby & I agreed to phone the landlord and say we'd definitely be leaving the house at the end of August. I've wanted to use that word "definitely" for sooo long now, but now that I actually said it, I am petrified! There is a heck of a lot of work still to do and it would be a tall order for someone in good health, let alone for us!
I am pleased to say though, today we made a start on tidying and moving things around in our house ready for bringing things down. It's so important that we keep the lines of communication open because I've run away with myself on things and then hubby doesn't agree and it's a big shock to me! Today I heard some words that I hope to hear more often from hubby during this process: "I suppose in a house this size it's a luxury we can't afford". :D Fingers crossed that attitude prevails and we can agree to totally downsize! :D
Hubby asked me last night did I want to take a trip home. I burst into tears. He took that as a yes. I have been really struggling lately and he had noticed, much to my surprise! As long as we achieve some progress before we go, it will be a welcome break. If we don't, it will feel like running away from things, which is not such a positive. We're probably going on 10th July for a long weekend, which gives us tomorrow and next weekend to make progress. Feasible, IBS/ headaches/ ridiculous workloads permitting!
This is really happening, at last! We are going to empty the rental house, significantly reduce our financial outgoings, and make our house a home! Woohoo! :D
20 Jun 2014
Pre-birthday Ramblings...
I'm sure I'm not the only one, but every year as my birthday approaches, I get all maudlin and wonder where the last year has gone. It's not just me, right?
This year is sadly no different. Don't get me wrong, a lot of good things have happened in the last year. I've gained a lot of knowledge and confidence in my work. I've done 11 months of driving lessons, passed my theory test first time and booked my practical test (no, I'm not telling you when it is! ;) ) To a great extent, I have come to peace with who I am and where I want my life to go, which is a nice feeling.
There is still so much I am not at peace with though, in that I want to change things and I'm struggling to do so. The never ending house move being top of the list of course! Second thing being my health and well being. I do think sorting number one out will give me a huge amount of freed up head space to deal with number two. It will also mean I can get everything organised and start some hobbies as well as exercise and healthy eating.
I want to be more than the woman who is always online. I want to create things. Give things. Make others happy. Be significant rather than insignificant!
Part of my plan to achieve this involves creating a list of 40 things to do before I'm 40, which I am excited about publishing on Tuesday. I'm going to set up a new blog dedicated to this list and my endeavours to achieve everything on it. I will still be using this blog for everyday highs and lows though :)
I'm also having a couple of weeks off the driving lessons because the whole thing has been seriously frustrating me! Hopefully not worrying about whether my lesson is going to be cancelled will free me up to concentrate on other things for a couple of weeks! I especially need that because of the impending change of payroll controller in work. I'm both nervous and excited about it. Change is good, yes? So I'm gonna do my very best to embrace it! With any luck, the work changes will encourage me to change my personal habits in work, such as taking lunchtime walks and not snacking so much. Fingers crossed!
But anyway, I've got a few more days to go before I rack up another year, so I'd best enjoy them hey!
Have a good weekend folks!
M x
This year is sadly no different. Don't get me wrong, a lot of good things have happened in the last year. I've gained a lot of knowledge and confidence in my work. I've done 11 months of driving lessons, passed my theory test first time and booked my practical test (no, I'm not telling you when it is! ;) ) To a great extent, I have come to peace with who I am and where I want my life to go, which is a nice feeling.
There is still so much I am not at peace with though, in that I want to change things and I'm struggling to do so. The never ending house move being top of the list of course! Second thing being my health and well being. I do think sorting number one out will give me a huge amount of freed up head space to deal with number two. It will also mean I can get everything organised and start some hobbies as well as exercise and healthy eating.
I want to be more than the woman who is always online. I want to create things. Give things. Make others happy. Be significant rather than insignificant!
Part of my plan to achieve this involves creating a list of 40 things to do before I'm 40, which I am excited about publishing on Tuesday. I'm going to set up a new blog dedicated to this list and my endeavours to achieve everything on it. I will still be using this blog for everyday highs and lows though :)
I'm also having a couple of weeks off the driving lessons because the whole thing has been seriously frustrating me! Hopefully not worrying about whether my lesson is going to be cancelled will free me up to concentrate on other things for a couple of weeks! I especially need that because of the impending change of payroll controller in work. I'm both nervous and excited about it. Change is good, yes? So I'm gonna do my very best to embrace it! With any luck, the work changes will encourage me to change my personal habits in work, such as taking lunchtime walks and not snacking so much. Fingers crossed!
But anyway, I've got a few more days to go before I rack up another year, so I'd best enjoy them hey!
Have a good weekend folks!
M x
10 Jun 2014
Hallelujah!
I've been off work for a couple of days after coming down with the cold last week. You might be thinking, why would I take time off work with a cold? Well, as an asthmatic, when I get a cold it can really knock me for six, especially when it is on my chest and affects my breathing. As well as struggling to breathe, I was also suffering a high temperature which was making me feel icky and not wanting to eat very much. This led to me feeling weak and feeble.
So, on Monday I spent a lot of the day in bed "sweating it out", after doing my morning weigh in of course (I'll be back to that soon). Then I got up for the evening and ate a bit. I went to bed with a Lemsip. I think it really helped because I had a good night's sleep. I still felt weak this morning though so I decided to stay off work another day and build up my strength.
I'm feeling much better today and I mean mentally as well as physically. I've seen a lot of media (tv programmes & internet posts) lately that have made me realise just how lucky I have been in life. They also made me realise that I am destroying myself and only I have the power to change that.
Yes, I did say destroying myself! It's not as obvious as some self destruction methods, but it will have the same net result if I let it continue. But guess what? I'm not going to!
Yesterday's weigh in showed that my weight had not altered at all since last Monday. Very disappointing! I still want to lose 4 lbs by 23rd, but I don't think it's going to happen. So I am going to say I will be delighted to lose anything at all in the next two weeks!
I'm sure you're wondering why this post is titled "Hallelujah!" - well, it's because I feel like I've had a Eureka moment! I have realised that I must focus on doing exercise. My eating is not too terrible, although I know it has room for improvement, but exercise is what is going to make the difference.
So I took the first steps today and I did 1 minute of walking in place. Trust me, it was harder than it sounds! I'm hoping I can increase by 1 minute each day. I am sure there will come a point when I can't increase any more, but at least I will be doing something!
This is my journey of self improvement and I have to do it my way!
M x
So, on Monday I spent a lot of the day in bed "sweating it out", after doing my morning weigh in of course (I'll be back to that soon). Then I got up for the evening and ate a bit. I went to bed with a Lemsip. I think it really helped because I had a good night's sleep. I still felt weak this morning though so I decided to stay off work another day and build up my strength.
I'm feeling much better today and I mean mentally as well as physically. I've seen a lot of media (tv programmes & internet posts) lately that have made me realise just how lucky I have been in life. They also made me realise that I am destroying myself and only I have the power to change that.
Yes, I did say destroying myself! It's not as obvious as some self destruction methods, but it will have the same net result if I let it continue. But guess what? I'm not going to!
Yesterday's weigh in showed that my weight had not altered at all since last Monday. Very disappointing! I still want to lose 4 lbs by 23rd, but I don't think it's going to happen. So I am going to say I will be delighted to lose anything at all in the next two weeks!
I'm sure you're wondering why this post is titled "Hallelujah!" - well, it's because I feel like I've had a Eureka moment! I have realised that I must focus on doing exercise. My eating is not too terrible, although I know it has room for improvement, but exercise is what is going to make the difference.
So I took the first steps today and I did 1 minute of walking in place. Trust me, it was harder than it sounds! I'm hoping I can increase by 1 minute each day. I am sure there will come a point when I can't increase any more, but at least I will be doing something!
This is my journey of self improvement and I have to do it my way!
M x
2 Jun 2014
Weigh in day!
I don't know if I have mentioned it, but last Monday was the first weigh in on my new bathroom scales. It was great because they weighed me at 22lbs less than the old scales! So now I feel so much better for being closer to my goal without actually doing anything!
Since then, I've been keeping a food diary and tweeting it to lovely friend H, who has been providing constructive criticism and encouragement - a BIG thank you to her! :)
Today was weigh in #2 - I was nervous because (a) I'd been terrible all weekend after the party of Friday night and (b) I knew the scales wouldn't lie!
So, I stepped on this morning and was slightly relieved to see a mere 0.6lbs gain.
That said though, it's really not good enough. I am currently 16st 3.6lbs and I want to get below 16st by my birthday - in other words, in the next 3 weeks. This is very feasible if I pull my socks up and get stuck in. The question is, will I do it? My willpower is not as strong as it could be. I'm very distracted with other things, but that is always my excuse! Surely there has to be a time when I can just put myself first and do what I need to do for me??
This is going to be tough, and I apologise in advance because it's going to make me VERY grumpy!
I do hope you'll stick around and see how I do!
M x
Since then, I've been keeping a food diary and tweeting it to lovely friend H, who has been providing constructive criticism and encouragement - a BIG thank you to her! :)
Today was weigh in #2 - I was nervous because (a) I'd been terrible all weekend after the party of Friday night and (b) I knew the scales wouldn't lie!
So, I stepped on this morning and was slightly relieved to see a mere 0.6lbs gain.
That said though, it's really not good enough. I am currently 16st 3.6lbs and I want to get below 16st by my birthday - in other words, in the next 3 weeks. This is very feasible if I pull my socks up and get stuck in. The question is, will I do it? My willpower is not as strong as it could be. I'm very distracted with other things, but that is always my excuse! Surely there has to be a time when I can just put myself first and do what I need to do for me??
This is going to be tough, and I apologise in advance because it's going to make me VERY grumpy!
I do hope you'll stick around and see how I do!
M x
1 Jun 2014
How is it already June???
I have to admit though, May has ended on a high with my first night out drinking and dancing in a loooooong time! I had such a fun time, but the weekend has proven that I am not up to doing it on a regular basis! I'm aching all over today!
So, June is here! This is going to be such a critical month in the success of the rest of the year for me.
In work, it is handover month as my payroll controller moves over to another payroll and his replacement trains up on my payroll. I can't tell you how excited I am about the change. Put it this way, my current controller was at the night out on Friday and didn't come near me, whereas the replacement was dancing along side me and all excited about coming onto the payroll. So I think it's going to be a lot of fun and just what I need to make work less of a chore :)
As well as that, June is the month that I want to get my driving test and hopefully pass! I'm doing pretty well with general driving, I just need to nail the manoeuvres and doing more than one thing at a time (changing gear on a roundabout is my biggest weakness!).
I also want to finish the house clear out, as the end of June will mark 2 years since we first gave our notice to quit! I want us to move on with our lives! Of course, there are limitations to what I can do by myself on this one and having to deal with hubby's frame of mind as well as my own just makes this an uphill struggle. I'll keep trying though, I'm determined about this being *the* month!
Then, of course, there is my birthday coming up later in the month. To be honest, I'd be happier than I could express if we just finished the house move. I don't need anything else this year! I'd also quite like to lose a few pounds by then, just to give me hope that I'm going to make progress this summer. I'll have to finish my list of 40 things to do by 40 as well, I'm up to 34 at the moment but I've come to a bit of stand still - suggestions welcome!
Please forgive me if I'm not posting very often, although I'll do my best, but this month is all about the doing!
Have a great month!
M x
So, June is here! This is going to be such a critical month in the success of the rest of the year for me.
In work, it is handover month as my payroll controller moves over to another payroll and his replacement trains up on my payroll. I can't tell you how excited I am about the change. Put it this way, my current controller was at the night out on Friday and didn't come near me, whereas the replacement was dancing along side me and all excited about coming onto the payroll. So I think it's going to be a lot of fun and just what I need to make work less of a chore :)
As well as that, June is the month that I want to get my driving test and hopefully pass! I'm doing pretty well with general driving, I just need to nail the manoeuvres and doing more than one thing at a time (changing gear on a roundabout is my biggest weakness!).
I also want to finish the house clear out, as the end of June will mark 2 years since we first gave our notice to quit! I want us to move on with our lives! Of course, there are limitations to what I can do by myself on this one and having to deal with hubby's frame of mind as well as my own just makes this an uphill struggle. I'll keep trying though, I'm determined about this being *the* month!
Then, of course, there is my birthday coming up later in the month. To be honest, I'd be happier than I could express if we just finished the house move. I don't need anything else this year! I'd also quite like to lose a few pounds by then, just to give me hope that I'm going to make progress this summer. I'll have to finish my list of 40 things to do by 40 as well, I'm up to 34 at the moment but I've come to a bit of stand still - suggestions welcome!
Please forgive me if I'm not posting very often, although I'll do my best, but this month is all about the doing!
Have a great month!
M x
18 May 2014
Another week gone!
Time is passing so quickly nowadays! The last week hasn't been too bad though. I found out that my payroll controller who I've been paired with for the last year is being moved to another payroll. I also found out that his replacement is to be the guy I was hoping it would be - he's an old hand & also has a good personality, so I think it will be good fun! The changes are not happening until July though, so plenty of time to get prepared.
On Thursday the in laws returned from their holidays. It's good to have them back, but I can't say it's the greatest atmosphere between them. I'm hoping it passes soon.
Because of this happening on Thursday, I'd swapped my day off and was working on Friday. I was pleasantly surprised how refreshed I felt after a day out of the office. I'm almost tempted to ask to take off Wednesdays instead of Fridays, but it wouldn't be the most practical of ideas.
On Saturday morning I had my first driving lesson in about 3 weeks. It went quite well overall. My instructor reckons that having a break from it can sometimes help. I don't know if he's right or not, but I'm happy with how I'm doing. I just need to improve my general clutch control. My instructor's mate is going to do a mock test with me on Friday morning to see how near to test-ready he thinks I am. I'm both excited and nervous about this! To think I could be so close to never having a lesson again, it's hard to believe!
Today I slept too much, as hubby was at work. I hate myself when I do that. There's so much I could be doing instead! When I did get up, I managed to finish washing the dishes and also tidied up a little. Not nearly as much as I wanted to, but my back has been a bit sore and doing the dishes made it worse.
Despite everything generally going in the right direction, I've still been in a bit of turmoil lately. You see, I just can't find it in me to make the changes I need to for the sake of my health. I don't know, maybe if I can get the driving and the house sorting finished, I'll have more head space to think about it. I'm going to try and get them both done by the end of June anyway. I'll then have 3 months before our holiday to Italy to improve my fitness, which is better than nothing!
I guess I need to try to deal with one or two battles at a time, in order to eventually win the war!
Have a great week!
M x
On Thursday the in laws returned from their holidays. It's good to have them back, but I can't say it's the greatest atmosphere between them. I'm hoping it passes soon.
Because of this happening on Thursday, I'd swapped my day off and was working on Friday. I was pleasantly surprised how refreshed I felt after a day out of the office. I'm almost tempted to ask to take off Wednesdays instead of Fridays, but it wouldn't be the most practical of ideas.
On Saturday morning I had my first driving lesson in about 3 weeks. It went quite well overall. My instructor reckons that having a break from it can sometimes help. I don't know if he's right or not, but I'm happy with how I'm doing. I just need to improve my general clutch control. My instructor's mate is going to do a mock test with me on Friday morning to see how near to test-ready he thinks I am. I'm both excited and nervous about this! To think I could be so close to never having a lesson again, it's hard to believe!
Today I slept too much, as hubby was at work. I hate myself when I do that. There's so much I could be doing instead! When I did get up, I managed to finish washing the dishes and also tidied up a little. Not nearly as much as I wanted to, but my back has been a bit sore and doing the dishes made it worse.
Despite everything generally going in the right direction, I've still been in a bit of turmoil lately. You see, I just can't find it in me to make the changes I need to for the sake of my health. I don't know, maybe if I can get the driving and the house sorting finished, I'll have more head space to think about it. I'm going to try and get them both done by the end of June anyway. I'll then have 3 months before our holiday to Italy to improve my fitness, which is better than nothing!
I guess I need to try to deal with one or two battles at a time, in order to eventually win the war!
Have a great week!
M x
11 May 2014
Just a quick catch up! (ok, maybe not so quick...)
I can't believe how long it is since I last posted a blog! Time is most definitely not on my side this month!
My 10th wedding anniversary passed fairly quietly at the end of April. It was nice having a couple of days off work together but strange at the same time, as the in laws had just gone away. They are definitely an integral part of our lives, to the point that I worry frequently about how life would be if anything was to happen to one or both of them! I know, I shouldn't worry about things that are out of my control, or may not happen for a very long time, but hey, this is me!
The May Day bank holiday weekend was spent over in England. My brother's 30th party was on the Saturday - he didn't know I was going and it was lovely to surprise him! The bit I enjoyed the most was being there to help Mum set up the food. I don't get many opportunities to do things for her so it's always nice when one arises :) It was a good enough party, despite not many of the people who said they would go turning up, with music and singing from one of my brother's mates. He was actually quite good and I got a couple of video clips out of it.
The Sunday was quite relaxed and it was nice to see lovely friend C and her little madam! She's growing so fast and I hate to think what height she'll be next time I see her!
We travelled home on the Monday and then it was back to work and the normal routine ensued. It's hard to believe that was only a week ago! This coming week is going to be even more busy, both in work and at home. The in laws are due back from holiday on Thursday which means we need to get their house in order! I'm hoping to take Thursday off work and work Friday instead.
I've made some progress with chores today so I'm pleased with that. I really have no stamina and it takes me so long to get things done, it's quite frustrating! I literally feel twice my age! I'd been thinking about whether to get myself a tablet pc because I use my phone an awful lot for the internet and it is straining my eyes. Today I tried out father in law's Nook and found it to be too heavy for me as I've been suffering with pains in my elbows and hands more lately. I've decided to instead start using my laptop more often and also to get my eyes tested!
Oh yes, the best thing this weekend was receiving the cheque from my health insurance to cover my dental treatment. Allowing for the bank holiday, it was basically a week after I'd sent the claim form, so that was pretty good I thought. I pay for my health insurance with an allowance paid by work, so basically anything I claim back is free money! My aim is now to rack up as many medical appointments as I can between now and September, to give us more spending money for Garda! :D This will include the opticians if I need glasses (you can quite often get free eye tests these days at the likes of Tesco) and I am also considering some kind of physio or chiropractics for my back and neck. I've had varying amounts of back pain since the days of over-filled rucksacs at school, but my neck pain is mainly due to some whiplash I suffered in a road incident back in 2005. I was on a bus of all things! I did get some compensation but it was decided that the pain I had was unlikely to improve. It's usually worse when it's cold but turning to the left is also an issue. I'd love to get this fixed so that I can drive more easily. I really struggle with the looking behind me bits that are required during my test. I hope that doesn't ruin my chances of passing :/
In other health-related news, this link I saw this weekend has highlighted to me how urgent it is for me to start exercising. Please give it a read and share with loved ones.
I have my weekly weigh in to look forward to in the morning! I'm not sure what to expect but I just have to ensure that I keep my cool and keep trying to implement my new plan.
I hope you've all had a good weekend?
Michelle x
My 10th wedding anniversary passed fairly quietly at the end of April. It was nice having a couple of days off work together but strange at the same time, as the in laws had just gone away. They are definitely an integral part of our lives, to the point that I worry frequently about how life would be if anything was to happen to one or both of them! I know, I shouldn't worry about things that are out of my control, or may not happen for a very long time, but hey, this is me!
The May Day bank holiday weekend was spent over in England. My brother's 30th party was on the Saturday - he didn't know I was going and it was lovely to surprise him! The bit I enjoyed the most was being there to help Mum set up the food. I don't get many opportunities to do things for her so it's always nice when one arises :) It was a good enough party, despite not many of the people who said they would go turning up, with music and singing from one of my brother's mates. He was actually quite good and I got a couple of video clips out of it.
The Sunday was quite relaxed and it was nice to see lovely friend C and her little madam! She's growing so fast and I hate to think what height she'll be next time I see her!
We travelled home on the Monday and then it was back to work and the normal routine ensued. It's hard to believe that was only a week ago! This coming week is going to be even more busy, both in work and at home. The in laws are due back from holiday on Thursday which means we need to get their house in order! I'm hoping to take Thursday off work and work Friday instead.
I've made some progress with chores today so I'm pleased with that. I really have no stamina and it takes me so long to get things done, it's quite frustrating! I literally feel twice my age! I'd been thinking about whether to get myself a tablet pc because I use my phone an awful lot for the internet and it is straining my eyes. Today I tried out father in law's Nook and found it to be too heavy for me as I've been suffering with pains in my elbows and hands more lately. I've decided to instead start using my laptop more often and also to get my eyes tested!
Oh yes, the best thing this weekend was receiving the cheque from my health insurance to cover my dental treatment. Allowing for the bank holiday, it was basically a week after I'd sent the claim form, so that was pretty good I thought. I pay for my health insurance with an allowance paid by work, so basically anything I claim back is free money! My aim is now to rack up as many medical appointments as I can between now and September, to give us more spending money for Garda! :D This will include the opticians if I need glasses (you can quite often get free eye tests these days at the likes of Tesco) and I am also considering some kind of physio or chiropractics for my back and neck. I've had varying amounts of back pain since the days of over-filled rucksacs at school, but my neck pain is mainly due to some whiplash I suffered in a road incident back in 2005. I was on a bus of all things! I did get some compensation but it was decided that the pain I had was unlikely to improve. It's usually worse when it's cold but turning to the left is also an issue. I'd love to get this fixed so that I can drive more easily. I really struggle with the looking behind me bits that are required during my test. I hope that doesn't ruin my chances of passing :/
In other health-related news, this link I saw this weekend has highlighted to me how urgent it is for me to start exercising. Please give it a read and share with loved ones.
I have my weekly weigh in to look forward to in the morning! I'm not sure what to expect but I just have to ensure that I keep my cool and keep trying to implement my new plan.
I hope you've all had a good weekend?
Michelle x
27 Apr 2014
My 5 month plan!
Yes ladies and gents, I'm setting out a new plan!
It dawned on me today that if I am going to make Slimming World work for me, I will need willpower. If I have the willpower to make that work, then surely I have the willpower to succeed without SW?!
I have 5 months until our week in Italy, which would definitely be a better trip if I was in better shape - just remembering how tiring it was walking around in 30 degree heat the last time is exhausting!
So, my goal is to drop 3 dress sizes and increase my fitness levels in 5 months.
My plan to achieve this is pretty simple:
It dawned on me today that if I am going to make Slimming World work for me, I will need willpower. If I have the willpower to make that work, then surely I have the willpower to succeed without SW?!
I have 5 months until our week in Italy, which would definitely be a better trip if I was in better shape - just remembering how tiring it was walking around in 30 degree heat the last time is exhausting!
So, my goal is to drop 3 dress sizes and increase my fitness levels in 5 months.
My plan to achieve this is pretty simple:
- Cut refined foods and eat more whole foods
- Walk 30 minutes 3 days / week building up to 6 days / week
- Stretching 5 minutes morning and night daily
- Drink more water
Granted, it is going to take a LOT of organisation and a LOT of willpower, but it's going to be so definitely worth it!
26 Apr 2014
Measurements Day #2
I was supposed to measure myself yesterday but I woke up with a terribly sore stomach which stayed with me all day and I didn't even remember about this until 5pm, when I wasn't at home. I forgot first thing this morning too, so I have done these measurements after I have eaten, which is not ideal for the weight reading, but here are the results compared to the first ones last month.
Bust: March = 44" April = 45.5"
Waist: March = 42" April = 42"
Hips: March = 53" April = 52.75"
Weight: March = 17st 3lbs April = 17st 8lbs
My conclusion is that I have gained weight (though probably not as much as 5lbs) and it is all in my bust area! I am quite happy with that because that is the area I find it easiest to lose from, so it could have been a lot worse!
I expected to have a gain this month, as I have been comfort eating to ridiculous proportions since my Nana passed away last month. I still miss her and I guess I always will do, but I have to find some inner strength and get myself back on track.
Unfortunately, the idea of getting Slimming World vouchers from my Dr didn't work out - apparently it was a pilot scheme and has stopped! It might come back, but I can't really wait for that. I'm hoping hubby will agree that I can try it for 12 weeks anyway - there is a discount for paying up front and initial membership is half price at the moment. Fingers crossed for me guys!!
Michelle x
Bust: March = 44" April = 45.5"
Waist: March = 42" April = 42"
Hips: March = 53" April = 52.75"
Weight: March = 17st 3lbs April = 17st 8lbs
My conclusion is that I have gained weight (though probably not as much as 5lbs) and it is all in my bust area! I am quite happy with that because that is the area I find it easiest to lose from, so it could have been a lot worse!
I expected to have a gain this month, as I have been comfort eating to ridiculous proportions since my Nana passed away last month. I still miss her and I guess I always will do, but I have to find some inner strength and get myself back on track.
Unfortunately, the idea of getting Slimming World vouchers from my Dr didn't work out - apparently it was a pilot scheme and has stopped! It might come back, but I can't really wait for that. I'm hoping hubby will agree that I can try it for 12 weeks anyway - there is a discount for paying up front and initial membership is half price at the moment. Fingers crossed for me guys!!
Michelle x
23 Apr 2014
Easter...
The Easter weekend was a strange experience for me this year. Most years hubby and I spend it at my parents’ house – it has a sense of occasion about it there and we get some form of gift and a cooked dinner, having had fish and avoided meat on Good Friday.
This year, because of the mess up with our flights and the chance to change them at no extra cost, we decided to move them to the May Bank Holiday weekend, so that I could attend my brother’s 30th birthday party (shhh it’s a surprise!). I am delighted that I am getting to do this, but my Easter suffered greatly.
Good Friday I wasn’t feeling that great, so avoiding meat turned out to be quite easy. I didn’t however have any fish either. Ah well.
Easter Sunday we got up and headed to the in laws for the Liverpool match at noon. I was glad to have that to focus on and not be left moping about the house. However, once the match was over, listening to hubby and his Dad squabbling was too much for me and I took a walk to the Co op in the hope that (a) it would be open and (b) I might get a reduced price Easter egg, as I had not received any! I was 50% successful in that it was open, but there were no reduced eggs to be found. I got a couple of things, including reduced fat hot cross buns! – wandering round the store gave me chance to compose myself and relax. I walked back to the in laws’ and managed to keep my composure for the rest of the day, despite having Chinese take away for dinner because his Mum had been out in the afternoon and it was too late for her to start cooking when she got home.
Easter Monday I was a bit more chilled out. I worked on the appearance of my blog for a while and learnt a few things along the way. Lovely friend C was a great help, as her blog is a piece of art :D I am not happy with mine yet, but I’ll keep tinkering about with it and I will settle on something eventually!
The other thing I was drawn to on Monday was diets. As avid followers will know, I am always coming up with new ideas of how to lose weight and then not sticking to them, so I decided that I need some structure rather than free styling and failing. I found something online called Dietchef, which involved paying for a month’s worth of meals to be delivered which could be stored in a cupboard and microwaved. At first sight this seemed to be just what I needed to teach me about portion control and take away the daily dilemma of what to eat. So I started to read reviews on it and ask if anyone on Twitter had heard of it. Then I realised that you still have to add your own fresh fruit and veg, as well as rice in some meals. Not only was this additional cost, but it was also not helping with my portion sizes issue!
As a result of bringing this up on Twitter, lovely friend H started to talk about Slimming World, of which she is a member. I explained that hubby was not very supportive because he likes to share take aways, etc, but she was able to persuade me that there are dishes I can go for within the plan, as long as I am smart about it. The great thing about SW is that it is possible to get free classes via your GP – father in law got them last year but didn’t really take to it. So I have agreed with hubby that if I can get the vouchers, I am going to start the classes. I don’t know if it is 6 weeks or 12 weeks that I will get, but I’ll say to hub that if I can lose 7lbs or 1 stone (depending how long the vouchers are for), I want to continue the class and pay for it myself. Seems reasonable to me!
So, I am going to the Drs tomorrow morning and will hopefully get the SW sorted whilst I am there. I am actually quite excited! I am hoping that there are approachable people there and they are not all gabbling in heavy Belfast accents! This could not only change my life weight-wise, but also give me a social life! What’s even better is that the meeting is in a church (Elim Pentecostal), so I can be closer to God without the headache that I would get if I wanted to go to an actual service. I think it is important to have him near me if I am going to succeed on this journey. Who knows, maybe I will eventually gain the confidence to say, “I want to go to church!” if I like the feel of the place! It is only 0.5 miles from our house too – half as far as I used to walk to church before I moved here.
Sorry, I am going off on a tangent here, but just lately I have started to think that not having the church in my life could be a major part of my issues. It is crazy how we can fall in love with completely the wrong person for the lifestyle we want – I never dreamt I would marry an atheist who doesn’t dance!! Anyway, I may come back to that topic at some point in the future.
The reason I am going to the Drs tomorrow rather than some more convenient time is that I have been feeling light headed in the afternoons the last while. When I say light headed, I feel like I am walking on a boat! I suspect it is related to my blood pressure levels but I’m not going to risk it any longer and will see what the Dr says. I am going to see the new Dr, so I will have to have my wits about me to work out quickly what type of Dr he is and how I should approach the SW thing. I do hope I don’t mess it up! I’m not sure how I could though, since my BMI is in the top range at present (different charts label it differently, but something along the lines of severely obese). About my BP though, I changed to taking the tablets in the morning rather than at night a few weeks back, so I expect he will just tell me to move back to taking them at nights. We’ll see though!
All in all, despite being emotional and "character building", the long weekend has been very productive for me and hopefully has set me on course to achieving my goals :)
Michelle x
This year, because of the mess up with our flights and the chance to change them at no extra cost, we decided to move them to the May Bank Holiday weekend, so that I could attend my brother’s 30th birthday party (shhh it’s a surprise!). I am delighted that I am getting to do this, but my Easter suffered greatly.
Good Friday I wasn’t feeling that great, so avoiding meat turned out to be quite easy. I didn’t however have any fish either. Ah well.
Easter Sunday we got up and headed to the in laws for the Liverpool match at noon. I was glad to have that to focus on and not be left moping about the house. However, once the match was over, listening to hubby and his Dad squabbling was too much for me and I took a walk to the Co op in the hope that (a) it would be open and (b) I might get a reduced price Easter egg, as I had not received any! I was 50% successful in that it was open, but there were no reduced eggs to be found. I got a couple of things, including reduced fat hot cross buns! – wandering round the store gave me chance to compose myself and relax. I walked back to the in laws’ and managed to keep my composure for the rest of the day, despite having Chinese take away for dinner because his Mum had been out in the afternoon and it was too late for her to start cooking when she got home.
Easter Monday I was a bit more chilled out. I worked on the appearance of my blog for a while and learnt a few things along the way. Lovely friend C was a great help, as her blog is a piece of art :D I am not happy with mine yet, but I’ll keep tinkering about with it and I will settle on something eventually!
The other thing I was drawn to on Monday was diets. As avid followers will know, I am always coming up with new ideas of how to lose weight and then not sticking to them, so I decided that I need some structure rather than free styling and failing. I found something online called Dietchef, which involved paying for a month’s worth of meals to be delivered which could be stored in a cupboard and microwaved. At first sight this seemed to be just what I needed to teach me about portion control and take away the daily dilemma of what to eat. So I started to read reviews on it and ask if anyone on Twitter had heard of it. Then I realised that you still have to add your own fresh fruit and veg, as well as rice in some meals. Not only was this additional cost, but it was also not helping with my portion sizes issue!
As a result of bringing this up on Twitter, lovely friend H started to talk about Slimming World, of which she is a member. I explained that hubby was not very supportive because he likes to share take aways, etc, but she was able to persuade me that there are dishes I can go for within the plan, as long as I am smart about it. The great thing about SW is that it is possible to get free classes via your GP – father in law got them last year but didn’t really take to it. So I have agreed with hubby that if I can get the vouchers, I am going to start the classes. I don’t know if it is 6 weeks or 12 weeks that I will get, but I’ll say to hub that if I can lose 7lbs or 1 stone (depending how long the vouchers are for), I want to continue the class and pay for it myself. Seems reasonable to me!
So, I am going to the Drs tomorrow morning and will hopefully get the SW sorted whilst I am there. I am actually quite excited! I am hoping that there are approachable people there and they are not all gabbling in heavy Belfast accents! This could not only change my life weight-wise, but also give me a social life! What’s even better is that the meeting is in a church (Elim Pentecostal), so I can be closer to God without the headache that I would get if I wanted to go to an actual service. I think it is important to have him near me if I am going to succeed on this journey. Who knows, maybe I will eventually gain the confidence to say, “I want to go to church!” if I like the feel of the place! It is only 0.5 miles from our house too – half as far as I used to walk to church before I moved here.
Sorry, I am going off on a tangent here, but just lately I have started to think that not having the church in my life could be a major part of my issues. It is crazy how we can fall in love with completely the wrong person for the lifestyle we want – I never dreamt I would marry an atheist who doesn’t dance!! Anyway, I may come back to that topic at some point in the future.
The reason I am going to the Drs tomorrow rather than some more convenient time is that I have been feeling light headed in the afternoons the last while. When I say light headed, I feel like I am walking on a boat! I suspect it is related to my blood pressure levels but I’m not going to risk it any longer and will see what the Dr says. I am going to see the new Dr, so I will have to have my wits about me to work out quickly what type of Dr he is and how I should approach the SW thing. I do hope I don’t mess it up! I’m not sure how I could though, since my BMI is in the top range at present (different charts label it differently, but something along the lines of severely obese). About my BP though, I changed to taking the tablets in the morning rather than at night a few weeks back, so I expect he will just tell me to move back to taking them at nights. We’ll see though!
All in all, despite being emotional and "character building", the long weekend has been very productive for me and hopefully has set me on course to achieving my goals :)
Michelle x
19 Apr 2014
Where do I go from here?
Despite my last post being so positive, I'm sorry to say that I haven't been feeling that great this last while.
It's easy to say that I am still grieving after the passing of my Nana in March. I'm sure there is an element of that involved, but I'm not going to say it's 100% down to that.
Since I failed to get the job I applied for in work, I've found it difficult to feel as settled in my current job. I just had myself too geared up for moving on and really want to move on now! I have, however, come around to the idea that it would be fine to stay within my current team, for a number of reasons. Firstly, I've got great hours and as flexible a working pattern as I could hope to get. Secondly, I love being the Stationery Officer and I wouldn't be guaranteed to do that in another team. Thirdly, using the same payroll system as I currently use would give me a better starting point in a new post.
So basically, I just want to move on to a different client's payroll. We have a new client going live in July. I'd love to be involved with that, because there would be no precedent to work to and I could put my own stamp on how we deal with them admin-wise.
I have a meeting with my manager (step up the ladder from my team leader) on 30th April and I am hoping that this will give me the opportunity to ask about moving. I was going to send an email to my team leader about it, but then I realised that in person I can better gauge the situation and make sure that I'm not burning any bridges or anything.
Hopefully sorting out my work situation will help me to feel better in myself. For a few months work has been the only thing I felt confident about, so losing that feeling has left me feeling lost with regards to my purpose in life.
I also need to sort out my health. For the last couple of weeks, I've felt dizzy quite frequently and also had particularly aching muscles. I was wondering if the dizziness was my blood pressure increasing despite my medication, so I am trying to cut down on my salt intake - crisps had become a regular part of my diet recently, which was never a good move!
The muscle thing, I don't really have an explanation for. All I can do is try to start doing stretching exercises as well as walking more often. Eventually I would love to start yoga or pilates, but as with everything, I'm taking small steps.
This blog is a bit of a jumble, but it is helping me to make sense of how I feel and where I go from here to feel better.
It's easy to say that I am still grieving after the passing of my Nana in March. I'm sure there is an element of that involved, but I'm not going to say it's 100% down to that.
Since I failed to get the job I applied for in work, I've found it difficult to feel as settled in my current job. I just had myself too geared up for moving on and really want to move on now! I have, however, come around to the idea that it would be fine to stay within my current team, for a number of reasons. Firstly, I've got great hours and as flexible a working pattern as I could hope to get. Secondly, I love being the Stationery Officer and I wouldn't be guaranteed to do that in another team. Thirdly, using the same payroll system as I currently use would give me a better starting point in a new post.
So basically, I just want to move on to a different client's payroll. We have a new client going live in July. I'd love to be involved with that, because there would be no precedent to work to and I could put my own stamp on how we deal with them admin-wise.
I have a meeting with my manager (step up the ladder from my team leader) on 30th April and I am hoping that this will give me the opportunity to ask about moving. I was going to send an email to my team leader about it, but then I realised that in person I can better gauge the situation and make sure that I'm not burning any bridges or anything.
Hopefully sorting out my work situation will help me to feel better in myself. For a few months work has been the only thing I felt confident about, so losing that feeling has left me feeling lost with regards to my purpose in life.
I also need to sort out my health. For the last couple of weeks, I've felt dizzy quite frequently and also had particularly aching muscles. I was wondering if the dizziness was my blood pressure increasing despite my medication, so I am trying to cut down on my salt intake - crisps had become a regular part of my diet recently, which was never a good move!
The muscle thing, I don't really have an explanation for. All I can do is try to start doing stretching exercises as well as walking more often. Eventually I would love to start yoga or pilates, but as with everything, I'm taking small steps.
This blog is a bit of a jumble, but it is helping me to make sense of how I feel and where I go from here to feel better.
- Job
- Diet
- Exercise
- Positive thinking
Simple, right?
Michelle x
12 Apr 2014
Ten of My Good Points
So, ever influenced in life by those around me, after reading my friend Pearl's blog about 20 of her good points I decided to write this blog about my own good points. I'm sticking to ten points though!
- My brilliant blue eyes - they shine so beautifully when it's sunny or I'm particularly happy!
- My smile - I remember being told on several occasions on nights out that I should smile more because it suits me. I agree with this notion, but you have to earn it ;)
- My loyalty - I'm very much a home bird and couldn't be without my family and close friends. Living away from my family has been a steep learning curve which still continues even now. My loyalty goes on regardless of proximity though.
- My sense of humour - it can be quite wicked at times, but if you "get" it, you'll probably like it!
- My ability to always see good in people - I mean always! Some would call it nieveity, I'd just call it having a good heart :)
- My intelligence - ok, so I'm not Oxbridge material and I am useless at retaining general facts, but what I know, I know well and I didn't get my degree in Business & Quality Management just for looking pretty ;)
- My feminine form - ok, it's somewhat out of shape right now, but when I'm in form, I love my curvy shape!
- My romantic view of the world - not always practical, but it helps me sleep at night and gives me hope for a better future for everyone :)
- My open-mindedness - despite my sheltered childhood, I try my best to never discriminate against any type of person because I do not like to feel discriminated against myself.
- My love of colour - as tempting as it is to hide in black every day, I can't help but be attracted to colourful clothes and accessories, which I think brightens life up for everyone around me :)
That's me - feel free to have a go at writing your own list! ;)
Michelle x
6 Apr 2014
De-cluttering - for real this time!
As I mentioned in my recent blog one of the things I want to address during BST this year is getting our house in shape.
A brief background to this is, we've been paying rent on the house we used to live in for 17 months so far since we moved out, purely because we have not addressed the terrible amount of clutter and got the house emptied yet!
Recent events surrounding hubby's working conditions have highlighted that we need to act quickly and get rid of this noose from around our neck. Hubby is concerned that he cannot continue to work in that company for much longer because he is not receiving the support he needs from his manager or indeed his colleagues to some extent. I did a very quick summation and worked out that if I returned to full time hours and we got rid of the rented house, we could survive on my wage. This is a scary prospect, but if it has to be done, then I'll do it. Every year around this time is just the same and I'm always scared of what it will do to our relationship (7 years ago it broke us up for a year). So, if it gets hubby away from that ridiculous working environment, I'll step up to the plate!
So anyway, today I am sitting here at the rented house feeling overwhelmed! I know what I want to do but I don't know where to start or where to find the energy to start!
Hubby and I have agreed that we need to be ruthless. Previously, we had the idea of moving things into storage to allow us to vacate the house and then filter through things at a more reasonable pace. Now we have agreed that this is not a good idea. We need to just get rid of things now, because we are not going to visit a storage unit, based on experience! Besides which, if we haven't used things in 17 months, we probably don't need them!
I have to completely buy into this approach, but I am scared about doing so. Just sitting here today, I realised that I have hoarded things because they relate to better times in the past. I need to let go of those "things" and create new better times!
A major thing for me is clothes. As many of you know, weight gain has been the bane of my life for many years. I have a suitcase here of clothes ranging over 5 different sizes. They are mostly new, that I thought I would "fit into soon", but never did. I feel quite nauseous about the idea of parting with this suitcase. In fact, I'm not even sure that I can do it. If I can cut down a lot of other things (how many fleeces does one couple need??), it won't be too conspicuous.... *looks sheepish*
The other thing of course, is handbags! I had already cut down what I was going to keep but now I think I will have to be even more ruthless. Let's face it, there is little point in me having a dozen "going out" bags when I don't even go out!! :-(
The next thing will be kitchen utensils. We have far more things than any normal household would ever use, let alone us two! We have to keep things simple and realistic. As with everything else, we can only keep what we can store away. There is no point having a worktop full of gadgets if there is no space to actually use them!
The idea of having a streamlined household is so liberating, but it will take commitment.
Writing this blog has really helped me to focus my mind and know what I am doing this afternoon. Arrivederci, clothes & handbags!!
Michelle x
A brief background to this is, we've been paying rent on the house we used to live in for 17 months so far since we moved out, purely because we have not addressed the terrible amount of clutter and got the house emptied yet!
Recent events surrounding hubby's working conditions have highlighted that we need to act quickly and get rid of this noose from around our neck. Hubby is concerned that he cannot continue to work in that company for much longer because he is not receiving the support he needs from his manager or indeed his colleagues to some extent. I did a very quick summation and worked out that if I returned to full time hours and we got rid of the rented house, we could survive on my wage. This is a scary prospect, but if it has to be done, then I'll do it. Every year around this time is just the same and I'm always scared of what it will do to our relationship (7 years ago it broke us up for a year). So, if it gets hubby away from that ridiculous working environment, I'll step up to the plate!
So anyway, today I am sitting here at the rented house feeling overwhelmed! I know what I want to do but I don't know where to start or where to find the energy to start!
Hubby and I have agreed that we need to be ruthless. Previously, we had the idea of moving things into storage to allow us to vacate the house and then filter through things at a more reasonable pace. Now we have agreed that this is not a good idea. We need to just get rid of things now, because we are not going to visit a storage unit, based on experience! Besides which, if we haven't used things in 17 months, we probably don't need them!
I have to completely buy into this approach, but I am scared about doing so. Just sitting here today, I realised that I have hoarded things because they relate to better times in the past. I need to let go of those "things" and create new better times!
A major thing for me is clothes. As many of you know, weight gain has been the bane of my life for many years. I have a suitcase here of clothes ranging over 5 different sizes. They are mostly new, that I thought I would "fit into soon", but never did. I feel quite nauseous about the idea of parting with this suitcase. In fact, I'm not even sure that I can do it. If I can cut down a lot of other things (how many fleeces does one couple need??), it won't be too conspicuous.... *looks sheepish*
The other thing of course, is handbags! I had already cut down what I was going to keep but now I think I will have to be even more ruthless. Let's face it, there is little point in me having a dozen "going out" bags when I don't even go out!! :-(
The next thing will be kitchen utensils. We have far more things than any normal household would ever use, let alone us two! We have to keep things simple and realistic. As with everything else, we can only keep what we can store away. There is no point having a worktop full of gadgets if there is no space to actually use them!
The idea of having a streamlined household is so liberating, but it will take commitment.
Writing this blog has really helped me to focus my mind and know what I am doing this afternoon. Arrivederci, clothes & handbags!!
Michelle x
28 Mar 2014
Measurements Day
Being the last Friday of the month, I took my measurements today.
My thoughts on this have changed a little as the month has gone on, so instead of just measuring my waist, I've decided I will measure my bust, waist, hips and also my weight.
I don't mind publishing these results because I'm teaching myself that I am not just a list of figures. There is so much more to me than my physical size. This slimming down project is just one small part of me becoming the person I want to be.
So here you go....
Bust = 44"
Waist = 42" (natural waist, not what I've previously posted about measuring)
Hips = 53"
Weight = 17st 3lbs
Tune in next month to see if I have made any progress!
Michelle x
My thoughts on this have changed a little as the month has gone on, so instead of just measuring my waist, I've decided I will measure my bust, waist, hips and also my weight.
I don't mind publishing these results because I'm teaching myself that I am not just a list of figures. There is so much more to me than my physical size. This slimming down project is just one small part of me becoming the person I want to be.
So here you go....
Bust = 44"
Waist = 42" (natural waist, not what I've previously posted about measuring)
Hips = 53"
Weight = 17st 3lbs
Tune in next month to see if I have made any progress!
Michelle x
26 Mar 2014
A new motivation...
The death of a loved one is never easy to deal with. Grief comes in so many forms and it is impossible to know how you will react each time. My dear Nana died on Friday 14th March 2014 and I hadn't been able to see her since last October. My only comfort, which stopped me feeling eternally guilty, was that I had written to her a few weeks before to tell her that I was thinking of her and looking forward to seeing her at Easter.
I always find that when someone dies who I care about, my main concern is how did they view me just before they went? It's not as self-centred as it may sound. It is simply my nature that I always want everyone to think the best of me, because I don't ever want to annoy or upset anyone.
Obviously, being human and all that, I fail quite often in this endeavour, especially with those closest to me! In fact, I surprised myself in my recent job interview - when asked what motivates me to get up every day, I responded with "wanting to be the best person I can every day". I wasn't surprised because it wasn't true - it is very true! I was surprised because on the majority of days I get through them and then think they were a bit of a non-event.
Soooo, I've decided to make this sad loss a turning point in my life. I am not going to just want to be the best person I can be, I am going to work towards it too!
I doubt I will hear whether or not I have got the job I applied for before next week, but I can't let that alter my plans too much in either case, so I'll go ahead and explain them :)
It is absolutely definite that I perform better as a human being during BST than during the rest of the year. I love bright, sunny days and get depressed easily when there are dark clouds in the sky (I'm sure many are now wondering why I live in Northern Ireland!).
With this in mind, I have decided to build on my strengths. I am going to work really hard towards all of my goals during British Summer Time (BST) and then take it easy and enjoy the progress I have made during the autumn and winter. I wish I had thought of it sooner, I can tell you! :)
The main things I want to work on this year are:
I always find that when someone dies who I care about, my main concern is how did they view me just before they went? It's not as self-centred as it may sound. It is simply my nature that I always want everyone to think the best of me, because I don't ever want to annoy or upset anyone.
Obviously, being human and all that, I fail quite often in this endeavour, especially with those closest to me! In fact, I surprised myself in my recent job interview - when asked what motivates me to get up every day, I responded with "wanting to be the best person I can every day". I wasn't surprised because it wasn't true - it is very true! I was surprised because on the majority of days I get through them and then think they were a bit of a non-event.
Soooo, I've decided to make this sad loss a turning point in my life. I am not going to just want to be the best person I can be, I am going to work towards it too!
I doubt I will hear whether or not I have got the job I applied for before next week, but I can't let that alter my plans too much in either case, so I'll go ahead and explain them :)
It is absolutely definite that I perform better as a human being during BST than during the rest of the year. I love bright, sunny days and get depressed easily when there are dark clouds in the sky (I'm sure many are now wondering why I live in Northern Ireland!).
With this in mind, I have decided to build on my strengths. I am going to work really hard towards all of my goals during British Summer Time (BST) and then take it easy and enjoy the progress I have made during the autumn and winter. I wish I had thought of it sooner, I can tell you! :)
The main things I want to work on this year are:
- Slimming and improving my fitness
- Learning to drive
- Getting our house in shape
It's going to be hard work this year because it is the first year of trying this approach, but I am willing to give it my all in my Nana's name. Oh, it was Lil, hence the lilac writing :)
Michelle x
22 Mar 2014
I'm on Bloglovin' :D
<a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/11913939/?claim=ptg9d8crpgw">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>
6 Mar 2014
Eye-opener? You bet!
The last 10 days or so have been pretty stressful. My hubby was taken ill and we didn't know what was wrong. He was off his food, had an upset stomach far worse than his usual IBS symptoms, had a fever but felt cold. Then one night whilst downstairs, he fainted from standing. I knew nothing about this until he came round and got upstairs and called me from the bathroom. I'm surprised that even woke me, because I do sleep like a log! I couldn't believe what he told me and was happy for him to stay at his parents' for the next few nights, as they would be more aware of noises.
On Friday, he fainted in their bathroom in the early hours. That was the last straw and his parents took him to the emergency doctor, then our GP and finally the A&E in the hospital. As someone who avoids blood tests at all cost, having two in one morning doubled his previous lifetime tally! The conclusion was gastroenteritis with dehydration which had caused the fainting.
WOW!
To think that dehydration could cause that really struck home and I've been trying to drink more ever since. Hubby was given the choice of drinking more or getting a drip, so of course he chose to drink more! He got some tablets and some Dioralyte solution to settle his stomach and replace lost electrolytes, etc. He also got a week's sick line to stay off work.
So yes, the whole episode has been a real eye opener to me.
Lesson one - it is really important to stay hydrated!
Lesson two - absolutely anything could happen in our house at night and I would sleep through it!! Perhaps we need more security measures?
Lesson three - we have to get our priorities sorted. As I've said to hubby, first health, second holidays, third work. I don't know if it will come to fruition or not, but I really hope so! We can't have him, or me, getting so run down again.
Of course, getting on top of our weight issues will make a big difference, but that is not going to happen overnight. So it's all about small steps in the right direction. Keep drinking plenty of water / diluting juice every day. Minimise the number of take aways we eat (they could be the cause of the gastroenteritis). Be more active.
Lesson four - NEVER take loved ones for granted! Illness can strike so easily and no-one knows how it will turn out. So if you love someone, let them know it as often as possible!
Michelle x
On Friday, he fainted in their bathroom in the early hours. That was the last straw and his parents took him to the emergency doctor, then our GP and finally the A&E in the hospital. As someone who avoids blood tests at all cost, having two in one morning doubled his previous lifetime tally! The conclusion was gastroenteritis with dehydration which had caused the fainting.
WOW!
To think that dehydration could cause that really struck home and I've been trying to drink more ever since. Hubby was given the choice of drinking more or getting a drip, so of course he chose to drink more! He got some tablets and some Dioralyte solution to settle his stomach and replace lost electrolytes, etc. He also got a week's sick line to stay off work.
So yes, the whole episode has been a real eye opener to me.
Lesson one - it is really important to stay hydrated!
Lesson two - absolutely anything could happen in our house at night and I would sleep through it!! Perhaps we need more security measures?
Lesson three - we have to get our priorities sorted. As I've said to hubby, first health, second holidays, third work. I don't know if it will come to fruition or not, but I really hope so! We can't have him, or me, getting so run down again.
Of course, getting on top of our weight issues will make a big difference, but that is not going to happen overnight. So it's all about small steps in the right direction. Keep drinking plenty of water / diluting juice every day. Minimise the number of take aways we eat (they could be the cause of the gastroenteritis). Be more active.
Lesson four - NEVER take loved ones for granted! Illness can strike so easily and no-one knows how it will turn out. So if you love someone, let them know it as often as possible!
Michelle x
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)