Moving forward...

So, this week I launched my list of 40 things to do before I'm 40. In the run up to launch day (my birthday), I was very excited. Once I'd published it though, I came over very overwhelmed! My new blog about the list has been very well received and I am really pleased about that. The problem is, I now have to actually do things and then write about them! Eeeek! 

But hey, I knew it was coming since I wrote the list lol. 

Also this week, hubby & I agreed to phone the landlord and say we'd definitely be leaving the house at the end of August. I've wanted to use that word "definitely" for sooo long now, but now that I actually said it, I am petrified! There is a heck of a lot of work still to do and it would be a tall order for someone in good health, let alone for us! 

I am pleased to say though, today we made a start on tidying and moving things around in our house ready for bringing things down. It's so important that we keep the lines of communication open because I've run away with myself on things and then hubby doesn't agree and it's a big shock to me! Today I heard some words that I hope to hear more often from hubby during this process: "I suppose in a house this size it's a luxury we can't afford". :D Fingers crossed that attitude prevails and we can agree to totally downsize! :D

Hubby asked me last night did I want to take a trip home. I burst into tears. He took that as a yes. I have been really struggling lately and he had noticed, much to my surprise! As long as we achieve some progress before we go, it will be a welcome break. If we don't, it will feel like running away from things, which is not such a positive.  We're probably going on 10th July for a long weekend, which gives us tomorrow and next weekend to make progress. Feasible, IBS/ headaches/ ridiculous workloads permitting! 

This is really happening, at last! We are going to empty the rental house, significantly reduce our financial outgoings, and make our house a home! Woohoo! :D

Pre-birthday Ramblings...

I'm sure I'm not the only one, but every year as my birthday approaches, I get all maudlin and wonder where the last year has gone. It's not just me, right? 

This year is sadly no different. Don't get me wrong, a lot of good things have happened in the last year. I've gained a lot of knowledge and confidence in my work. I've done 11 months of driving lessons, passed my theory test first time and booked my practical test (no, I'm not telling you when it is! ;) ) To a great extent, I have come to peace with who I am and where I want my life to go, which is a nice feeling. 

There is still so much I am not at peace with though, in that I want to change things and I'm struggling to do so. The never ending house move being top of the list of course! Second thing being my health and well being. I do think sorting number one out will give me a huge amount of freed up head space to deal with number two. It will also mean I can get everything organised and start some hobbies as well as exercise and healthy eating. 

I want to be more than the woman who is always online. I want to create things. Give things. Make others happy. Be significant rather than insignificant!

Part of my plan to achieve this involves creating a list of 40 things to do before I'm 40, which I am excited about publishing on Tuesday. I'm going to set up a new blog dedicated to this list and my endeavours to achieve everything on it. I will still be using this blog for everyday highs and lows though :)

I'm also having a couple of weeks off the driving lessons because the whole thing has been seriously frustrating me! Hopefully not worrying about whether my lesson is going to be cancelled will free me up to concentrate on other things for a couple of weeks! I especially need that because of the impending change of payroll controller in work. I'm both nervous and excited about it. Change is good, yes? So I'm gonna do my very best to embrace it! With any luck, the work changes will encourage me to change my personal habits in work, such as taking lunchtime walks and not snacking so much. Fingers crossed! 

But anyway, I've got a few more days to go before I rack up another year, so I'd best enjoy them hey! 

Have a good weekend folks! 

M x

Hallelujah!

I've been off work for a couple of days after coming down with the cold last week. You might be thinking, why would I take time off work with a cold? Well, as an asthmatic, when I get a cold it can really knock me for six, especially when it is on my chest and affects my breathing. As well as struggling to breathe, I was also suffering a high temperature which was making me feel icky and not wanting to eat very much. This led to me feeling weak and feeble. 

So, on Monday I spent a lot of the day in bed "sweating it out", after doing my morning weigh in of course (I'll be back to that soon). Then I got up for the evening and ate a bit. I went to bed with a Lemsip. I think it really helped because I had a good night's sleep. I still felt weak this morning though so I decided to stay off work another day and build up my strength.

I'm feeling much better today and I mean mentally as well as physically. I've seen a lot of media (tv programmes & internet posts) lately that have made me realise just how lucky I have been in life. They also made me realise that I am destroying myself and only I have the power to change that. 

Yes, I did say destroying myself! It's not as obvious as some self destruction methods, but it will have the same net result if I let it continue. But guess what? I'm not going to! 

Yesterday's weigh in showed that my weight had not altered at all since last Monday. Very disappointing! I still want to lose 4 lbs by 23rd, but I don't think it's going to happen. So I am going to say I will be delighted to lose anything at all in the next two weeks! 

I'm sure you're wondering why this post is titled "Hallelujah!" - well, it's because I feel like I've had a Eureka moment! I have realised that I must focus on doing exercise. My eating is not too terrible, although I know it has room for improvement, but exercise is what is going to make the difference. 

So I took the first steps today and I did 1 minute of walking in place. Trust me, it was harder than it sounds! I'm hoping I can increase by 1 minute each day. I am sure there will come a point when I can't increase any more, but at least I will be doing something! 

This is my journey of self improvement and I have to do it my way! 

M x

Weigh in day!

I don't know if I have mentioned it, but last Monday was the first weigh in on my new bathroom scales. It was great because they weighed me at 22lbs less than the old scales! So now I feel so much better for being closer to my goal without actually doing anything!

Since then, I've been keeping a food diary and tweeting it to lovely friend H, who has been providing constructive criticism and encouragement - a BIG thank you to her! :)

Today was weigh in #2 - I was nervous because (a) I'd been terrible all weekend after the party of Friday night and (b) I knew the scales wouldn't lie! 

So, I stepped on this morning and was slightly relieved to see a mere 0.6lbs gain. 

That said though, it's really not good enough. I am currently 16st 3.6lbs and I want to get below 16st by my birthday - in other words, in the next 3 weeks. This is very feasible if I pull my socks up and get stuck in. The question is, will I do it? My willpower is not as strong as it could be. I'm very distracted with other things, but that is always my excuse! Surely there has to be a time when I can just put myself first and do what I need to do for me??

This is going to be tough, and I apologise in advance because it's going to make me VERY grumpy!

I do hope you'll stick around and see how I do! 

M x

How is it already June???

I have to admit though, May has ended on a high with my first night out drinking and dancing in a loooooong time! I had such a fun time, but the weekend has proven that I am not up to doing it on a regular basis! I'm aching all over today! 

So, June is here! This is going to be such a critical month in the success of the rest of the year for me. 

In work, it is handover month as my payroll controller moves over to another payroll and his replacement trains up on my payroll. I can't tell you how excited I am about the change. Put it this way, my current controller was at the night out on Friday and didn't come near me, whereas the replacement was dancing along side me and all excited about coming onto the payroll. So I think it's going to be a lot of fun and just what I need to make work less of a chore :)

As well as that, June is the month that I want to get my driving test and hopefully pass! I'm doing pretty well with general driving, I just need to nail the manoeuvres and doing more than one thing at a time (changing gear on a roundabout is my biggest weakness!).  

I also want to finish the house clear out, as the end of June will mark 2 years since we first gave our notice to quit! I want us to move on with our lives! Of course, there are limitations to what I can do by myself on this one and having to deal with hubby's frame of mind as well as my own just makes this an uphill struggle. I'll keep trying though, I'm determined about this being *the* month!

Then, of course, there is my birthday coming up later in the month. To be honest, I'd be happier than I could express if we just finished the house move. I don't need anything else this year! I'd also quite like to lose a few pounds by then, just to give me hope that I'm going to make progress this summer. I'll have to finish my list of 40 things to do by 40 as well, I'm up to 34 at the moment but I've come to a bit of stand still - suggestions welcome!

Please forgive me if I'm not posting very often, although I'll do my best, but this month is all about the doing!

Have a great month!

M x