The
last couple of months have been a bit hectic to say the least! Dad
got through his operation - although he is still not 100% healed
yet, he is driving and that makes a big difference to things as Mum
doesn't drive. We visited on our way back from Italy in early
October, which was great for putting my mind at rest! We also went
over the weekend before last for Dad's birthday, which was lovely
because I was worried about him with it being his first birthday
without his Mum. We went out to eat on all 3 days and kept him
occupied, so he got through it as well as he could.
October
was, for me personally, not the best month. I had tried to eat well
and do some exercise, but it just didn't happen as well as I'd
hoped. I managed to put a temporary halt to my driving lessons after
being let down one time too many by my instructor, so I've had more
time to think about other things, but unfortunately those thoughts
have not really converted into actions! [The driving lessons will
recommence fully next Spring with the intention of having my test
done and dusted during the summer.]
In
September, I had decided to weigh in bi-monthly. So November 1st,
I stepped on the scales and was very disappointed by my weight. 16 ½
stone!! I hate getting hung up about what the scales say, so I am
also monitoring my BMI and two measurements – waist and right
thigh. I am hoping this will give me a full picture of my progress,
once I actually start to make progress, that is!! I have also had a
change of heart and will now be weighing in monthly, but still on the
1st. I need to keep on top of myself and not slack off for
too long before I realise! Thanks to HC for suggesting this :)
Having
said that, I have under 2 weeks left until my next weigh
in already! I just don't know where time goes sometimes!
I
also decided that starting on 1st
November I would start a new account on Sparkpeople. I'm using it to
record my monthly measurements, get recipe ideas and find support
from similar people regarding my weight loss journey and also other
issues in my life. I am not joining challenges of any kind. I do not
want the stress of comparing myself to others, of failing and hating
myself. This is my journey and I will go along at my own pace,
learning lessons as I go. I do have my own time scales, but I am even
considering revising those.
The biggest lesson I
need to learn is that life doesn't have to stop whilst I am trying to
reach a goal. I don't have to be at my perfect size when we go to
Italy next year – it is more important to be close to full fitness
and able to fully enjoy the experience. I don't have to lose all of
my excess weight before I try to run a 5K, as long as I feel strong
and fit enough to complete it. I don't have to avoid social events
just because I am not 100% happy with my figure, as long as I
remember that my friends like me for my personality not my looks.
As things stand, I am
meeting my friend for coffee on Friday afternoon. For the last 2
years, I've put this off for one reason and another. I am so annoyed
with myself for that. One big reason was guilt, because I felt I
should be using the time to work on clearing the old house. I'm over
that now. It's one big mess that we really need to address, but I am
not willing to put my life on hold for it any longer! I am so excited
to see my friend again, we've so much to catch up with! I am
determined that next year will be about enjoying life with people I
care about. As much as I enjoy my own company, I have to admit that I
do need people around me to give me strength and help me feel better
about myself, I'm just not very good at asking for it!
**cue group hug **
So yeah, the rest of
this year is going to be very much about survival. I'm almost done
with my Christmas shopping, but unfortunately I am not going to
bother with Christmas cards this year. Whatever your religious
beliefs, you have to agree that Christmas is far too commercialised
these days. I don't want to encourage that. Instead I am going to
focus on the New Year. Some lucky people will receive something from
me in early January. Don't ask me what, because I have no idea as
yet!
Aside
from preparing for the festivities, I also need to tidy our house,
clean our house and get rid of things we are not intending to keep
(things the in laws brought in whilst they were working on the
refurbishment). Then we can continue moving things in from the old
house. We have to get it done before Christmas so that early January
can be solely for cleaning and then we can hand over the keys before
we go on holiday. At least, that is the plan!
Everything
comes back to organisation though! I can eat well if we have bought
the right foods and I have prepared them. If I eat well, I feel well
and able to progress with things that need done. If things progress,
I feel able to spend time on other things that make me happy. If I'm
happy, there's a better chance hubby will be happy. If hubby is
happy, he is nicer company and I feel better able to approach him on
things that need to be done. And so on! :)
I am sorry to have
rambled on so long tonight folks! I do find it quite therapeutic
though, so I am going to try and write more often over the next 6
weeks. It's going to be tough and I need you guys to do your
wonderful supportive stuff, but you're not going to do that if I
don't share my woes!
Until next time!
M
x
